So once again I am sitting at my mother’s bedside as she slowly but progressively declines.
I had booked this time off around the public holiday before Christmas, well before we knew she would hit these roadblocks. At that time it seemed she would go on for a lot longer, however one small medical issue last week has catapulted us into the land of palliative care.
Sitting here watching her sleep and trying to avoid doomscrolling through twitter has given me the space to write down these thoughts.
I’m still not sure whether I will disseminate them to a wider audience, though I guess even having them on this blog is publishing them, even if no one reads them but me.
Mum is 87 years old last birthday, so has lived a fairly long life. She outlived my father by more than 10 years, and outlived her youngest son (who was special needs).
The last few years have not been good for her, though, despite the best efforts of the staff at her nursing home, her physical and mental decline has been pronounced.
So, in many respects, the inevitable result of the next few days is a kindness. No one lives forever, at least not with current medical treatments. The best one can hope for is to live a good life and to maintain your health up to the end.
Mum didn’t get that.
It’s interesting how things go. Mum has two sisters, one older and one younger. Her younger sister also had dementia, yet her older sister, who is over 90, is still as sharp as a tack and still plays the organ at her church.
Speaking with my Aunt M late last week, I asked her how she had avoided what both her sisters could not. We agreed it was partially luck, but also her musical background, her continual community involvement and her love of puzzles.
Mum, on the other hand, for at least the last 10 years, allowed herself to become more and more isolated, watching TV all day. Not all of that was her fault, as after a series of falls, she ended up with spinal fractures that caused her ongoing pain, had a detached retina, so was virtually blind in one eye and went on to develop macular degeneration.
So to some extent, the cards were stacked against her.
As I have often said, you have to play the cards you’re dealt. However, you do have to stay in the game. It’s one of the reasons I have started this blog. I need to exercise my own creativity, even if I am the only one who reads it.
Tomorrow I am going to start ringing funeral directors to get prices for various options. I am not looking forward to the hard sell wrapped in faux compassion.
Wish me luck with that.